You see, today, at the start of the trial, I was positive. I thought to myself I would change, be mature, be less angsy. Yeah well, things changed. I had a pretty bad mood swing a few hours ago, haven't had one in a while. All the thoughts I had earlier, all the promises to change, yep, all out the window. Thing is when I'm in that state, I don;t care, that is...until I am neutral again, and I regret it all. In all honesty I'm embarrassed. I was an absolute ass, I was angsty and just horrible to be around. 

I want you to know that it's not my true personality. The happy zy, the one who jokes and laughs, that;s the real Zy. I hate how this is making me look like a asshole person. It all happened quickly; one minute I was laughing and joking, the next I wanted to jump off a bridge, and I took out all my frustrations on everyone else.

I know this blog is going to seem like a excuse. "Oh I have mood swings, therefore, this isn;t my fault" no, this isn;t about that at all. I wanted to clarify that this isn't what I am really like, and I am sorry about my behaviour earlier.

I'm so embarrassed about this in fact, I am considering just leaving. I humilated myself, and have lost respect and trust as a consequence. 

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