Remember when I told you the story about a lost episode of Teletubbies? Well, there is another.
It stays in my mind and it doesn’t leave me alone.
It was a perfectly warm day, and I was, once again, using my dad’s metal detector. When I got close to the gate, the Metal Detector beeped near a tree.
I grabbed a shovel and it was a box.
I took the box back to the house and opened it. Inside the box was a never-before-seen Teletubbies DVD nobody knew of.
The DVD was “Teletubbies: Boys and Eggs and other stories”, containing five episodes. The cover consisted of the Teletubbies about to share a Big-Hug in an orange background.
On the back of the case, it said that there is a never-before-seen episode of Teletubbies called “Galactic Battles”. It was a rather unusual episode title for a pre-schooler’s show, but I had no problem with the title.
The first four episodes listed were “Boys and Eggs”, “Numbers – Five (Version 3)”, “Camping” and “Kathak Dancing”.
And the mind-blowing fact about this DVD was that it featured the ABC for Kids Logo in the bottom-left corner.
It seemed to be released in 2008.
When my parents came home, I told them about the DVD I found underground. My mum was impressed with what she saw so she let me keep it.
On a foggy morning, my parents were at work and my older sister was at her friend’s house.
At that moment, I thought I should watch the new Teletubbies DVD I discovered.
I put the disc in, and the Warning Screen, ABC DVD and ABC For Kids logo were normal.
It then took me to the menu. However, it was somewhat a not too creative menu, as it showed the Teletubbies in a blue background.
The menu buttons were: “Play All”, “Episode Selection” and “Subtitles”.
I pressed “play all” so I can watch all the episodes.
I watched the first four episodes and they were very entertaining. My childhood had been relived.
Before the last episode, “Galactic Battles” started, there was a message.
“This is a never-before-seen episode of Teletubbies made for the release of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace back in 1999, and it contains material not suitable for your children. You have been warned”.
“What’s bad about a Star Wars-themed episode in a pre-schooler’s show?” I said under my breath.
I continued with the episode.
The intro played. However, the sky was galaxy-like, with a black background and millions of stars across the sky.
The intro continued with its normal state, despite the different sky.
However, as soon as the Voice Trumpet rised, instead of saying “Where have the Teletubbies gone?”, it said this:
“He is going to be here anytime now; he will give the Teletubbies what they need.”
“Who is this he the Voice Trumpet is speaking of?” I asked myself.
It then cut to the first act of the episode. The opening shot was normal, but Teletubbyland suddenly became foggy.
Dipsy walked into the shot and say “Eh-Oh!” to the narrator.
Just then, he realized the land was currently in a foggy weather.
He began looking around, sounding worried.
He looked around the foggy land, and saw a shadowy figure lurking around the fog.
“What’s that?” Dipsy asked in fear.
The shadowy figure turned out to be a Teletubby with the same body as him. The figure walked close to him.
I didn’t get a close look at the Shadowy Teletubby, because of the fog. Dipsy whimpered in fear as it was getting closer to him.
He shielded his eyes for impact, but the fog disappeared, so did the Mysterious Teletubby.
Dipsy wiped the sweat from his forehead in relief. At that moment, the Magic Windmill started spinning fast, so he had to find the other Teletubbies to unite for the TV Event.
Tinky Winky was chosen for the TV Event, and it was about two twin-brothers playing Galactic Battles together.
Their names were Dustin and Gerald. Gerald was playing as a space hero named “Galaxy Man”, and Dustin was playing a space villain called “The Planet Eliminator”.
Galaxy Man “flew” in his cardboard spaceship to the Planet Elimnators hideout. He attacked the enemies that tried to stop him, and he found his arch-nemesis.
Now Galaxy Man and The Planet Destroyer began to fight with their lasers.
Galaxy Man overpowered Planet Eliminator and said “ready to die, Eliminator?”
I was shocked at what I heard one of the twin-boys said. Why would he use the word “die” in a show for pre-schoolers aged 0-5?
After, they played, the twins bowed, as if they finished a school-play and said goodbye to the Teletubbies.
The TV Event played for a second time, like in the other episodes.
The second act of the episode started, and it was the most screwed-up thing about Teletubbies I ever saw.
The Narrator started off by saying, “one day, in Teletubbyland, somebody appeared from far away.”
A black space vessel landed in Teletubbyland and a black Teletubby dropped onto the ground.
The Teletubby resembled Darth Maul from “Star Wars”, only as a Teletubby.
I was surprised and amused by this. Seeing a Star Wars character as a specific kids’ show specie was funny to look at.
However, I realized he might have been the Shadowy Teletubby that Dipsy saw in the first segment of the episode.
Dipsy walked into the shot, and finally noticed the Black Teletubby. As soon as he looked at him, he said “Oooh. Who’s that?”
The Black Teletubby cleared his throat and finally spoke in a low monotone.
“Let me introduce myself; my name is Darth Tubby.”
“He was Darth Tubby.” the Narrator said.
“Eh-Oh, Darth Tubby!” Dipsy said excitedly.
Darth Tubby just looked away, not bothering to say “Eh-Oh” back.
The Narrator said, “Dipsy decided to show Tinky Winky, Laa-Laa and Po to Darth Tubby,”
Dipsy agreed to this.
“Dipsy show Tinky Winky, Laa-Laa and Po!”
Dipsy ran through the entirety of Teletubbyland to find his friends.
“Tinky Winky! Laa-Laa! Po!” He called.
He found the others inside the house, who were having Tubby Custard.
“Eh-Oh, Tinky Winky. Eh-Oh, Laa-Laa. Eh-Oh, Po.” Dipsy greeted.
“Eh-Oh, Dipsy!” Tinky Winky, Laa-Laa and Po greeted back.
The Narrator then said, “Dipsy wanted to show Tinky Winky, Laa-Laa and Po a new Teletubby he discovered.”
“Dipsy discover new Teletubby,”
“New Teletubby?” Tinky Winky asked in confusion.
“Oooh…” Po said.
“Laa-Laa want to see new Teletubby.” Laa-Laa said, breaking the silence.
“Dipsy then led them outside to find Darth Tubby. They found him sitting near the pathway, so he, Tinky Winky, Laa-Laa and Po then went up to him to introduce themselves.
“Oh, such colourful individuals that look like me. So nice to see you again.” He said sarcastically.
“But what are your names anyway?”
Tinky Winky introduced himself first.
Po was the last to introduce herself.
"Hmph, very nice names.” Darth Tubby responded. “Say, I come from a planet called “Sithson”. I am guessing this is Teletubbyland, right?”
“Yes!” Tinky Winky said in excitement.
“The Teletubbies asked Darth Tubby more questions to get to know him.
Po asked, “How Darth Tubby know us?”.
“Good Question.” Darth Tubby replied. “But I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Oh.” Dipsy said understandably. “Darth Tubby not talk about it?”
“Darth Tubby not talk about it, indeed, Green Teletubby.” Mocked Darth Tubby.
Laa-Laa gasped. “Darth Tubby know Teletubbies!” She was surprised to learn that Darth Tubby knew about Teletubbies.
“Yes, yes, it’s a long story. But like with what the red Tubby said, I’d rather not talk about my past.”
I got confused here. Why is Darth Tubby acting strange? Is he supposed to be friendly?
Darth Tubby then grabbed his antenna and pulled it out of his head. Just then, red blades ignited out of each side. It turned out his antenna was a double-bladed Lightsaber, like what Darth Maul wielded.
Tinky Winky then said, “Oooh! What’s that?”
“It was a lightsaber.” said the Narrator.
“How did you know it was a lightsaber?” Darth Tubby asked the Narrator.
Tinky Winky walked closer to the Lightsaber in awe. Darth Tubby stepped back in disgust as he was walking towards him.
“Be careful, Tinky Winky. You don’t know what a lightsaber is for.” The Narrator warned Tinky Winky.
Darth Tubby said, “Oh, Purple Tubby, do you want to see a trick?”
Darth Tubby then used the force and held it in mid-air without even touching it. Tinky Winky was amazed. He continued using the force and said, “Purple One, turn around, please.”
“I have a bad feeling about this,” I said in concern.
Tinky Winky did what he told him to do, so he turned around and covered his eyes.
Darth Tubby pointed the lightsaber towards Tinky Winky. I was already getting worried. He concentrated for a bit and finally pushed it through Tinky Winky’s back.
Tinky Winky grunted in pain, his eyes rolled in the back of his head and he collapsed to the ground.
Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po gasped in horror at what they saw.
“Tinky Winky!” cried Dipsy.
“Oh, No!” Laa-Laa exclaimed.
“Uh-Oh!” Po whimpered.
The other Teletubbies sounded very scared like never before. They always have the same excited-tone, but I never heard them sound this afraid and worried before.
Darth Tubby snickered. “I was hired by the Planet Eliminator to eliminate all four of you. Now it’s time to die.”
He pulled his lightsaber out of Tinky Winky’s back and he pointed it at the remaining Teletubbies.
Dipsy suddenly shouted at the top of his lungs, “RUN AWAY!!”
He, Laa-Laa and Po ran from Darth Tubby all over Teletubbyland either to find a place to hide, or depart from Teletubbyland and find a safe place to live.
The Green, Yellow and Red Teletubbies screamed and called for help as they were getting chased. Their screams actually sounded very fearful, as if it were a pair of people panicking.
Darth Tubby was running very fast, as the speed of a motorbike. He was gaining on Po, who was last in the line of the trio.
The Teletubbies found three tall trees to hide behind.
Darth Tubby then used the force again, and force-choked Po and grabbed her towards him.
Po started choking and gagging as she was getting choked.
Darth Tubby grinned and said, “how do you love the feel of lightning, red?”
He suddenly pointed his other hand at Po and shot out Force Lightning and electrocuted her.
She screamed in agony as she was being electrocuted, her scream was very piercing I never heard a Teletubby scream like that before.
Heck, in the original sketch of the Lion and Bear Magical Event, Tinky Winky screamed in a cartoon-way after the Lion introduced himself.
After being electrocuted, Po fell to the ground, entirely fried. She breathed weakly, as she tried to get back up to her feet. She was too injured to run away.
Darth Tubby walked up to her and he picked her up. He then pointed the lightsaber up into the air and presumably sliced her in half.
The scene cut off right before we were about to see her getting cut in half.
Dipsy and Laa-Laa screamed in horror after Darth Tubby had killed Po.
Darth Tubby then looked at the two remaining Teletubbies and said, “come here, you two!”.
Dipsy and Laa-Laa found the house.
“Laa-Laa! Over here!” Dipsy said as he pointed to the house.
He and Laa-Laa ran to the house. Dipsy reached the doorway of the house, but Laa-Laa was far from him.
At that moment, Po’s Scooter suddenly flew into her head, causing her to receive a head injury and roll down the hill to the house.
“Yes, yes, I was the cause of using the force on that scooter. Say Bye-Bye, Yellow-Mellow.”
Darth Tubby then decapitated Laa-Laa, killing her.
Dipsy let out a big “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” He cried for a bit, but ran into the house to hide.
As soon as he got inside the house, he hid behind one of the beds. Darth Tubby then intruded the house.
“Oh, Green Boy, come out, come out wherever you are…”
Dipsy panted quietly behind Tinky Winky’s bed to catch breath, expecting Darth Tubby to not catch him.
At that moment, he heard a “VROOM!”. He peeked behind the bed and saw the Noo-Noo, the Teletubbies pet vacuum cleaner, racing up to Darth Tubby.
The Noo-Noo and tried to tidy up Darth Tubby’s lightsaber, leading to a tug-of-war.
“Go get him, Noo-Noo.” Dipsy whispered, cheering Noo-Noo on.
The black Teletubby and blue vacuum cleaner struggled, until Darth Tubby sliced the Noo-Noo in a diagonal line, destroying him.
Dipsy gasped, accidentally alerting Darth Tubby.
He then said, “well, well, the Green Tubby wants to fight.”
“No…” Dipsy replied. He was too scared to fight.
“Oh, you don’t want to fight? Well, too bad!” Dipsy ran to the back doors to evacuate, but he suddenly got pulled by Darth Tubby’s force choke. Dipsy tried running out while his feet were still on the ground.
He then grabbed the edge of the slide and tried to climb up it. As he was about to see daylight, Darth Tubby pulled him towards him.
Dipsy screamed when Darth Tubby pulled him towards him. He then threw him around the house, causing him to crash into various obstacles and furniture such as the Tubby Table, the Tubby Custard Machine and the Beds.
Darth Tubby then pulled Dipsy towards him again, this time, choking him with the force.
“Greenie, Greenie, Greenie. You don’t deserve to be alive; you deserve to die. Once you die, I will be a powerful Telesith.”
“Telesith?” Dipsy choked, also sobbing.
“Exactly, Telesith. That’s what I am. Bye-Bye…”
After his speech, Darth Tubby stabbed Dipsy in his side, and he fell to the floor. Dipsy sobbed in pain as he suffered from his wound and he had tears running down his face as he looked at Darth Tubby for one more time.
Darth Tubby grinned at him as he was slowly dying. Just then, Dipsy finally died.
Darth Tubby has succeeded. “I killed them. I killed them all. I have become the most powerful Telesith of all!”
He then threw his head back and laughed maniacally. The closing shot was the Teletubbies’ house in flames.
The Baby Sun then cried when she found out the Teletubbies had died. Her eyes were all blood-shot, and she had many tears streaming down her face.
It then cut to the Tubby Bye-Bye segment. Instead of saying “Time for Tubby Bye Bye” three times, the Voice Trumpet said, “Darth Tubby has triumphed. All of the Teletubbies have died. Teletubbyland is no more.”
It cut to Darth Tubby staring at the camera. His face was covering the entire screen with his yellow sith eyes looking straight at the camera.
That shot made me feel very uncomfortable I got chills down my spine.
He suddenly said, “One afternoon in Teletubbyland, Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po all died.”
The Narrator said, “The Teletubbies don’t love Darth Tubby.”
“The Teletubbies don’t love Darth Tubby, indeed.”
“And Darth Tubby doesn’t love us, very much.”
Darth Tubby moved back from the camera. “Oh, say that to that sun with a baby’s face.”
The Sun Baby was still crying as the credits played.
On top of the house, Darth Tubby said, “Goodbye, and May the Empire be with you.”
He jumped into the hole, which was surrounded by fire. He can still be heard laughing maniacally.
The Sun Baby, as always, was crying until she set. The Ragdoll and BBC logos all had their colors inverted.
And when the ABC DVD logo played, it was all blood-red, and the audio was reversed and it had a demonic effect applied to it.
The ABC DVD logo gave me chills.
“Oh… Shit…” I said quietly.
It then took me back to the menu. After I pulled the disc out, I texted my Mum about the DVD.
Once she got home, I informed her about the episode so I showed it to her.
After she watched it, she was shocked she phoned Ragdoll about the episode and ABC about the DVD.
The answer from Ragdoll was that somebody illegally made this episode and was charged for "unauthorized duplication transiting intellectual properties".
And the answer from ABC for making this DVD was because they wanted the first four episodes to be watched by parents’ children, while the episode “Galactic Battles” was for adults only.
I asked Mum what I should do with the DVD.
She then suggested we should hide it somewhere we can forget to find it.
As soon as we hid it, I shivered thinking about the deaths of the Teletubbies.
Whenever I watch a Teletubbies episode, I get the feeling a hostile Teletubby would come and kill them.
Please stay away from never-before seen DVDs…