Patrick smiled widely. He patted the ropes on Squidward’s tentacles. “Patrick, what fucking idiocy do you even think this is?” exclaimed Squidward at the top of his lungs.

“Ha, ha, you’ll LOVE this idiocy, my fellow octopus,” Patrick replied.

“Love the idiocy? You are the one and only Patrick Star!”

“Don’t judge by what you see, Squidward,”


The stings of the jellyfish made Squidward cry and bellow, as Patrick’s words echoed throughout the pineapple suburb from down the street.

A horrid morning began in Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob got ready for work, but the Krusty Krab was closed. He peeked through the glass doors, and saw Krabs’ bruised corpse. “O-Oh my god! Oh my fucking god! Dear Neptune, what the hell happened?” SpongeBob hastily reached for his shellphone, dialed 911, and screamed, “Hey, police, Eugene Krabs has been murdered!” But there was no response, just a howl of terror heard out of the other line. “W-well if I cannot tell the authorities, then the best thing to do is to just forget about it and have fun, right?” asked SpongeBob. He went to Patrick’s rock, knocked on the rock, which opened.

“Hey, Patrick, word on the street is that you desperately want to go jellyfishing. Want to do so?” questioned SpongeBob.

“Oh, definitely! Come on, SpongeBob!” reacted Patrick.

“B-But Patrick, there aren’t any jellyfish in your house… Are there?”

“Yes, just look!” Patrick pointed at the jellyfish under the rock.

“Okay then…” was heard out of the bewildered sponge. The rock closed, and darkness flooded the home in its entirety, until Patrick lit a candle. SpongeBob gave a look of confusion. “Why am I tied to a pole?” he asked. “Oh, it’s part of the jellyfish game,” answered Patrick, who whistled for the jellyfish to attack. “PATRICK, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? I AM SORRY, BUT I CAN NO LONGER STAY!” SpongeBob had screamed this so loud that the other Bikini Bottomites came to check the rock. Scooter opened the rock, and gasped at the bondaged sponge. “Hey, cops, come look at this!” screeched the purple fish. Officer John got an immediate glance of the sponge’s state, and declared, “Mr. Patrick Star, you have the right to remain silent.” He handcuffed Patrick, and threw him in the trunk of his police car, and drove off to the local insane asylum. SpongeBob sighed.

He gazed around to see the corpses of Squidward, Sandy, Pearl, Gary, and Plankton, and Mrs. Puff. John untied SpongeBob, who went back to his pineapple.

Three days have passed after the incident with the killing starfish, and SpongeBob had been sleeping for all that time. He woke up, still bored, and pondering.

Maybe things around here wouldn’t be so tedious if I did some thinking, yes, some thinking. Okay, so Mr. Krabs is dead, so I have no job, my friends are dead, so what am I to do now? My best friend is trapped in a looney bin, for me to never see again..

PATRICK!” shrieked SpongeBob as he ran to the Bikini Bottom nuthouse. Guards blocked the door, which he chopped the heads off with his hatchet. He did the same for the other guards of the penitentiary. SpongeBob bolted up to Patrick’s ward room.

“Patrick, my dearest Patrick, how are you doing, my boy?” greeted SpongeBob happily.

“I’m miserable, SpongeBob…”

“Well that’s too bad. Do you know what I want to say about you? You are a wilted rose, that’s what you are. You used to be my favorite friend, the closest pal of mine. But you let yourself rot into the sociopath of your inner being. I am very well disgusted and disappointed. But, despite your withering body, you are still a rose to me, and I will love you no matter what.”

“How touching.”

“Here, I will let you escape from this abominable hellhole.”

He burnt down the bars with a flamethrower.

“But you have to agree to one condition. Patrick, you are my best friend, you would do anything for me, right.”


SLICE-- off went Patrick’s head.


-Story written by XxShaym1nxX

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.