Talk:Jeff the Killer: Scars of Corruption/@comment-30307610-20170911193659

Ive only read the first section, so this may be a bit premature, but so far there are lots of errors. For instance "The Anarchists Cookbook" was never banned in the US, and if it was banned in this specific town there should be more reasons why and it should be noted that it was only in this town. This would lend creedence to Lane's "free speech" talk later as its only his town (or maybe his state but good luck with that one.) that can't write about this story.

The other major suffering of this first section (which again is all I've read so far) is that it is all exposition through a made up book. It seems like if you really wanted to tell this story, you should have written the book in question first to justify the story. More than 70% of this first section is just exerpts from this book. It comes off a bit sloppy as you are force feeding exposition to the reader through this instead of having the details suss out naturally through the story.

Yes, it seems to be important to the story that Lane's dad was criminalized because of this book, but there are other ways to get that information to the reader than to shove this exposition.

I will add more once I have read the other sections.

Thanks - Lavecki