Talk:Bulbapod/@comment-26343006-20160425015401

Some of my nitpicks:

1.  There are a ton of grammatical mistakes. Missing commas seems to be the biggest issue out of all of these.

2. Some attack names, city names, and item names ane not capitalized/properly spelled.

3. A few clichés here and there... But not too bad, right?

4. Not really a requirement, but perhaps you should've spiced the story up a bit, in order to make it not so... Boring. Try to not focus on scaring the wits out of the person. It's like a horror game that's just jumpscares, with no story at all... Then you die for some inexplicable reason.

5. Avoid using "dead" words, such as "said", and "ran". An example of a "dead" sentence is "I ran down the hallway, and said, "Leave me alone!". (I think this has been in an actual story before...) A "fixed" form of the sentece would be; "I careered through the tunnel, and screamed, "Leave me alone!"

Sorry for the mini grammar lesson.

I'd rate this story 4/10.