Talk:Jeff the Killer's True Origins/@comment-1196539-20141006175012

My feedback...

Pros: For the most part, it's realistic. Or at least I can say the characterization is. As terrible an experience as is being described prior to Jeff's "transformation," it's one that could very well happen, and no doubt has happened to some. The narrative flows well and the details are in all of the right places. Not too much focus on the gore aspects, just enough on the main character's inner struggle and state of mind. The idea that Jeff is immortal also makes him a bit more threatening as a character, as opposed to him being just some 13-year-old serial killer.

Cons: First off, full of typographical errors. Not just a few, but a lot. This really should have been cleaned up a long time ago, ideally before posting. Those are what hurt this pasta most and distract me from any kind of immersion. Aside from that, I have to say that the "deal with the Devil" plot device is very cliche'd and overdone, and I think it really isn't necessary to this story. There were also a couple of small contradictions that hurt the reader's suspension of disbelief that, as a writer, you should not respond to with "give me a break!" Any good story can be broken down into a collection of details--these details make the whole, and every one of them is important. One such example I had to question was how Jeff's face scars remained if his body was immortal and regenerated from bullet wounds. Again, just try to think of these things while writing if you're pursuing a sense of immersion.