Blossom's Reckoning

"Blossom's Reckoning" by TheDarkCat97
I just want to start off by saying this - and only this - I've never been a fan of the supernatural, nor the unexplained. I've never had an encounter with bigfoot, or get abducted by aliens and have them shoving green fluids up my ass. No. I don't believe in such dribble. But, what I do believe is that there are some things from the media that are better off forgotten. "Lost Episodes", specifically.

For those of you who are asking, "What are Lost Episodes"? Well, a "Lost Episode"-style story is written as an anecdote by the author about an unaired or missing episode of a television show they unintentionally found- catching it late at night during its first and only airing, finding it on an old VHS tape, or even being part of the production crew or studio that aired the show. The show itself can be real or fictitious, and are typically animated and/or aimed at child audiences. The episode described is almost always crude/low-budget in appearance and disturbing in nature, deviating heavily in tone and subject matter from the original show. Themes of death, murder, torture, suicide, depression and other macabre topics are common. If the show is animated or made with puppets, they are often described as either being low-quality or "hyper-realistic" (a vague and rather over-used term that typically implies that the characters/events are somehow "real", or just way more detailed than a typical TV show budget would allow).

Sometimes entire seasons or whole shows can be "lost", along with commercials, infomercials, and made-for-TV movies. Any evidence beyond the author's words has either been destroyed, hidden, or hadn't existed at all (implying the episode was created by supernatural means).

In recent times, these pastas have been considered somewhat cliché, and have fallen out of fashion on sites such as /x/. Please note that the wiki no longer accepts lost episode pastas, as per other Wikis' blacklisted subjects.

But, that doesn't mean that things from that specific genre can be real or not.

Now, I used to be an intern at PBS - I know, I know, the ol' cliché, "I was an intern at this, that or the other". But, hear me out. You'll change your mind once you hear my story, I promise you. Now, before I get to my story, let me ask you this... Why is it that Blossom, from Fetch with Ruff Ruffman, never spoke throughout the entire show, not once?

Well, of course, this very question has been bubbling in every kid's head whenever episodes of Fetch came on the television screen, so questions like this is relatively normal for children under a young age. You may have not noticed this but, I worked on the show as one of the cameramen, filming the kids who were going to specific areas from different countries learning about certain things Ruffman tells them about via television. This episode, however, was nothing like the many episodes we'd work on, showing that this was only a pilot episode we first worked on around Monday, May 27th, 2006 - two day before we worked on the very first episode. The pilot also showed Blossom actually talking in full sentences, which is really decent when she interacted with children who came in to participate in whatever chore Ruff Ruffman wants them to accomplish. But, the most astonishing thing about this pilot, is that Blossom was revealed to be a fan of The Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare. It starts with Ruffman working on a script for the next episode around May 30th (specifically the episode "Good Dancing and Bad Breath").

"Hey Blossom," he says, "what do you think of this? *clears throat* In the mid-18th century a group of economic theorists, led by David Hume and Adam Smith, challenged fundamental mercantilist doctrines - such as the belief that the world's wealth remained constant and that a state could only increase its wealth at the expense of another state."

Blossom just raises her eyebrow as she smirks at Ruffman, "Did you just wrote about Capitalism?"

"Well duh, that's what the episode is about, right?"

"What about dancing and bad hygiene? The kids has to learn about those."

"Dancing? Bad hygiene? What does those have to do with Capitalism?"

Blossom just rolls her eyes and places her paws on her side, "Ugh, do I have to spell it out for you? The main sources of infection in the home are people who are carriers or are infected), foods particularly raw foods and water, and domestic animals in the U.S. more than 50% of homes have one or more pets. Sites that accumulate stagnant water — such as sinks, toilets, waste pipes, cleaning tools, face cloths, etc. readily support microbial growth and can become secondary reservoirs of infection, though species are mostly those that threaten at risk groups. Pathogens potentially infectious bacteria, viruses etc. are constantly shed from these sources via mucous membranes, feces, vomit, skin scales, etc. Thus, when circumstances combine, people are exposed, either directly or via food or wa —"

"Okay, I think you made your point." Ruffman says exhausted, "You sure talk a mouth full. Now, we need a subject for episode two, anyone got any ideas?"

"Maybe we can have them learn about Biomachining; where the process of using lithotropic bacteria to remove material from metal parts, contrasted with chemical machining methods such as chemical milling and physical machining methods."

"Blossom, think about it, what if the kids hurt themselves or something." Ruffman began thinking, and suddenly snaps his fingers, "I got it! Maybe we can send kids to learn how to ballroom dance, and have two others find out to prove that dog mouths are cleaner than human mouths."

"That'll work." Blossom smiles.

"What do you think, Chet? Think that's a good idea?" Ruffman asks, and Chet just squeaks. Ruffman then looks at the script, then begins to ponder. "But, the problem with that is... what are we going to teach kids about today's subject?"

"Oh, um... I wish I knew, actually." Blossom replies.

"Well, all I know is that Biomachining is WAAAAAY too dangerous for kids. Besides, if those kids do a simple thing as milling, they'd be already in an ambulance faster than you can say bacon. We need something with more... 'pizazz'." The two began to ponder on what to have the children learn about, until a lightbulb appears over Ruffman's head as a big, dumb grin spread across his face. "Oh, wait a minute, the sun's coming up... How about having them learn about space!"

"Mm, that's cool, I guess." Blossom replies with her arms crossed, "I was thinking about having them learn about dinosaurs and cavemen, the usual thing."

"Maybe some other time," Ruffman says, "but right now we have to get ready for our first episode."

"Oh, all right. But don't do anything we might soon regret. Like the time you were on that interview with Larry King."

"I knew I shouldn't have joked about his bypass surgery." Ruffman mumbled under his breath, but he shrugs and says, "Don't worry Blossom, babe, everything's under control. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?"

As Ruffman leaves, Blossom turns to the viewer and says, "Why do I have the feeling that everything's not under control...?" Then the intro begins. I have to say, this pilot started out really impressive as I look back at it now. But, that's not the reason why I'm here.

As the intro ends and the episode began, the children came out of the usual dog house and Ruffman appeared on the TV. It's practically the same as the first episode, 3-2-1 Blast Off, but with Blossom speaking in full sentences and giving kids words of advice, or quirking up jokes to make the viewers laugh. There was even a scene where Ruffman would get some words of advice wrong, and Blossom would hip bump him out of the way (with your typical cartoon sound effects playing) and fix Ruffman's mistake.

But, during the episode, Blossom looked at the clock on the wall, and her eyes grew wide. "Oh no, I'm late!"

Ruffman sees this and walks up to her, "Woah, wait a minute. What do you mean you're late?" Then it hits him, "Oh, yeah, your trip to the vet. Oh, man, we're only seventeen minutes in and you're already late for your check-up. This episode won't be the same with you out of the picture."

"Ruffman. Don't worry. It's only a check-up, I'll be back, I promise." She assured him with a warm smile. With that, Blossom kissed his cheek, and left out the door.

Ruffman's voice says as the episode cuts to some scenes with contestants Julia, Anna, and Khalil, "Well kids, guess it's just you and me for now on. Since Blossom's going to the vet, I'll have to fill in for her 'till she comes back. Hope she's gonna be okay."

After the competition ends with the winner revealed, it cuts to Ruffman impatiently waiting for Blossom's return from the vet, pacing back and forth as he strikes up a conversation with Chet. "She's been in the vet for hours, Chet. I sure hope she's okay. I mean, I know dogs and cats are sworn enemies and all, but without someone so smart and quirky, there won't be any chance for me to keep my show afloat! *sigh* No doubt that's the reason us dogs and cats have to stick together. Heh, now that I think about it, it's kind of funny actually."

Suddenly, the door opens to reveal Blossum stumbling through the doorway clutching her neck, a look of sorrow and agony spread across her face. Ruffman saw her and grows hysterical, "Blossom! What happened, a-are you okay? You need a glass of water?"

She didn't say anything, she just wheezed out and pointed at her mouth, tears welling up in her eyes. Ruffman continues to comprehend what's going on, that is until Blossom hands him a letter from the vet. It was revealed to be an email from the veterinarian, Dr. Peter Drake if anyone's asking. He read the note, then grew shocked, sad, and distraught for Blossom.

"He... He cut out your vocal cords?" Ruffman asked in a pitiful voice. Blossom nods as she began to sob softly. Her ears and tail drooped as she began to cry. "Blossom... oh my go- Blossom... I- I... I- I never thought that... I never thought that your owners would do those things to you. That's horrible... I should've just stopped you from going to that vet. Now how are you going to teach the contestants? Your voice... your voice is now gone."

Blossom continues to whine and whimper, taking her glasses off as she rubbed the tears from her eyes. Ruffman hugged her with a saddened face as he comforts her. The screen then pans out and fade to black.

Never have I thought that it would end with something so dark as a veterinarian surgically cutting out Blossom's vocal cords, which is why we never aired it in the first place. And that's the thing, it never aired due to that specific ending. Instead, PBS Kids decided to air 3-2-1 Blast Off and hide the pilot's existence. Which is why it's considered a lost episode, perhaps?

I know there are going to be a handful of people who would say that this is all fake, but you must understand that this was during 2006, so of course it's gonna be anonymous to anyone willing enough to search for it. But, they'll come up empty handed. The episode is practically lost forever, so why wouldn't they be? As for me, I'm retired since the show was cancelled with newer shows like Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and Dinosaur Train are still up and running now and days. Until then, I'll end this on a good note.

I'm married and have two beautiful young kids to look after, and our marriage is still going strong. The pilot, however, is still imbedded in my mind ever since me and my co-workers first made it. My kids are currently watching Fetch on YouTube, and they still wonder why me and the others down at PBS didn't give Blossom a voice.

And I think it's best that they never knew why. It's because Blossom got her vocal cords cut out by some quack and her sociopathic owners.