Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26044331-20150126182736/@comment-24450775-20150429173822

Hello. A couple of suggestions.

Line one: Plushies should be punctuated with a period, not a comma in this instance. 'Well" should be capitalized. Period after 'video.'

I would paragraph break at video.

Line two: Invader Zim, and TV should be capitalized. Have should be 'had.' Either that should be 'had to check for new videos' or 'had forgot to check for new videos.' I'm not sure which were intended, and either works fine. 'there' is misspelled. Wrong tense here. Should be 'was' not 'is.'

'it's' not 'its.' Period after mrklesfilms1.

Suggested paragraph break.

Period after PLAY. Capitalize the t in the. Comma after room. Period after 'different.' Capatilize the t in 'The walls.' 'were', not 'are.' Period after bloody. Capitalize the t in the there. Either 'a real robot' or 'robots' as it is I'm confused about how many robots there are.

'weirdist' is misspelled. Over needs an r. Coming is misspelled. 'Gonna' is misspelled.

Paragraph break:

Oswald is a proper name and should be capitalized. Don't know who 'gir' is, but if that's a name it should be capitalized. You can't cut a stomach off. You can cut it out, or 'gut' someone. Period after 'head off.' Roger Rabbit needs to be in capitals. 'cut' not 'cutted.'

Electro should be capitalized. Shred, not shed.

Grammar, spelling, and punctuation issues. No build up. Plot meanders about. Its in a block, which is why I suggested where to break up paragraphs. Just lots of problems.

I hope this helps you improve your writing.