Baby Daddy Theory

''Author's note: This theory pasta was actually inspired by the series finale of one of the most well-known sitcoms of the '90s known as "Roseanne." (Sorry if I spoiled it for you guys.) Anyway, if you would like to give me some criticism, then lay it on me. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy.''

Is anybody out there familiar with this show called "Baby Daddy?" I'm sure you've seen it, right? Well, what if I told you that everything you saw was all part of a book that the main character, Ben, was writing to cope with his depressing life?

Let me explain: once upon a time, Ben was married to this woman named Georgia. She was so beautiful and smart and they actually seemed to get along great at first. However, he soon learned that she only married him to have a baby. He kept turning her down whenever she offered to have sex with him, which eventually culminated in her brutally raping him and conceiving their daughter Emma in the process. The divorce proceedings began while she was still pregnant and she ultimately won custody of their daughter. Ben was upset that his ex-wife wouldn't let him spend time with his own flesh and blood, so he started writing a book about all the imaginary adventures they would go on for only Emma to read. He'd always admired family sitcoms growing up; his favorite ones were "Full House" and "The Golden Girls." It was as a child, too, that he knew that he'd grow up to write books with plots that managed to solve anything and everything in thirty minutes or less. The longer he'd write, however, the more the book would grow to be about his family in general, specifically his mother Bonnie and his brother Danny.

Bonnie, for instance, had actually been a victim of recurring marital rape when her husband was alive. Two of the instances resulted in her children. Ben always resented his father for conceiving him and Danny that way, so he was omitted from the book altogether and a joke about her cat eating her birth control was thrown in for levity. He felt that she'd never truly gotten over being raped so many times over the course of her marriage, so he never even bothered to address the subject in the first place. Instead, he gave her a total 180 disposition-wise and made her the silly mom viewers are used to on the show.

Meanwhile, Danny and Riley's baby actually died in the womb, hence why he has no name in the finale. Danny was so devastated by the stillbirth of his son that he started drinking heavily as a way of coping with the pain. (It didn't help matters that his brother was a bartender.) Eventually, his alcoholism got to the point where it drove Riley away from him and into the arms of another man. Ben thought that his brother's downward spiral was too depressing, however, and so he gave him a happier ending instead.

Things changed for the worse shortly after Emma's 5th birthday. She started complaining about headaches and how she didn't feel like doing anything. It wasn't until a quick trip to the ER that she was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Even when it was apparent that their daughter was going to die, Georgia still refused to let her ex-husband bond with her. Emma would later die just a couple days before her 7th birthday. Her last wish was to have a Disney Princess-themed funeral.

With his primary motivation for writing the book now gone, Ben shelved the project and then killed himself a few days later.