Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25094717-20170720190406/@comment-32461413-20170722154852

I like the ideas that you came up with. However, I feel that there really is not a story here. I almost feel like I am reading a Wikipedia article.

You have some neat ideas for the legend, except you just explain them. Why not create a story? Show don't tell. Perhaps instead of saying how Monokuma manipulates and kills people, bring in a story where he does. That will be an interesting read that will keep the reader engaged to read to the end. As it stands, it's a bit hard to get to the end of this piece, especially if the reader is not familiar with Monokuma.

I would also say to add more suspense and mystery. Right now, there isn't any of that. It will give your writing more pop.

Overall, I would use what you have now as a basis for a bigger story. At the moment, I feel that the story feels a bit underwhelming and a bit encylopedia esque. With some anecdotes thrown in as well as some serious supense building, I think you'll have a pretty compelling story.