Holder of Doom

Yeah, I'm the Holder of Doom. Holder of Object 2500. And you know what? I'm not gonna tell you about my Object. Fuck that. Wouldn't do you much good anyway, really. It's already gone, you know. My best friend took it. How's that for irony? I get turned into a fucking Holder, and my best friend in the whole fucking world nabs my Object. Bastard. But whatever. It's been a long fucking time since I've been able to talk to anyone, so I'm gonna tell you about my friend and me. I think you'll find it interesting.

His name's not important, but we were Seekers together, a long time ago. Way before this website got created. Way before electricity, actually. Hundreds of years ago. Maybe thousands; I lost track of decades and centuries a long time ago. I can't even remember how we met, but we were great friends. We traveled around the world, collecting Objects. We'd tag-team it, share the Objects. I remember us flipping the Coin to see who had to go after Salmacis and get turned into a... shemale? Yeah, that's the word. And then there was this one time when he woke up with me holding the Mirror of Fear right in front of his face. The bastard jumped through the roof, literally. He forgot to take off the Wristband of Heights before he went to sleep. Fucking hilarious stuff. This one time, after he'd gotten The Worm, he entered some eating contest. Got twice the score of the guy in second place. We had a good laugh after that one. I miss those times. They were good ones, my happiest memories. They were times where we could forget that we were gathering the means to destroy the universe and just chill. It was great. But then, things started to go wrong. Really, really fucking wrong.

Everything started to get fucked up when we met this other Seeker. Forgot his name, but he was creepy. No, scratch that. "Scared me shitless" is what I'd say if I were a human in your time, I think. He had grey skin, grey hair, he seemed to exude grey. And there was something about the way he moved that wasn't natural. He'd be perfectly still, but then suddenly move so fast that he'd leave an afterimage. There was no way that fucker was human. Needless to say, I kept my distance. My friend, for whatever reason, took a liking to him immediately. We'd only see him occasionally, but whenever we did, him and my friend acted like they'd known each other since the dawn of time. I'd bug the fuck out, using any excuse I could to get as far away from the bastard as I could. It was unnerving, to see him and my friend talking and laughing together. Oh, fuck. That laugh. Even now that I'm a Holder, thinking about that laugh still creeps the fuck out of me. I think the modern word is "bloodcurdling". And his eyes, let's not talk about those. Anyway, my friend and this guy always had a regular fucking yukfest together. And then my friend, ­well, he started to change.

He started to get more sadistic, more twisted. I think, no, I know it was that Seeker who did it to him. Fucking corrupted him. He volunteered to go after Pleasure, just so he could mutilate his girlfriend. He told me, happily, what he did to her. I don't wanna describe it. It was the kind of stuff that we Holders do to Seekers who fail. But then, somehow, he got Love's Object too. It was fucking unbelievable. And he began to change physically, too. His skin started to turn pale, and his veins stood out more, except they turned black. It was disturbing. Whenever I asked him what was up, he either acted like nothing was happening or he just started laughing. That laugh again. It sounded like the other Seeker's. Was the other Seeker's.

Later, for reasons I'm not sure of, everyone in our village became un-fucking-hinged. The residents slaughtered one another horribly, in sick ways. Only me, my friend, and some poor bastard named Michael survived. Don't know what happened to him. Anyway, that grey fucker blamed the destruction of our village on us three. No, I could see that it was our fault. It had all been. I think I snapped after that. My friend sure as fuck did.

Soon after our village annihilated itself, he went on a fucking non-stop Object spree. He'd sometimes get like three or more in a day. He went through Satan, Connection, Anarchy, Evolution, Conflagration, Entropy, Nostalgia, and like 10 others in about a week. And with every Object he managed to get, the more fucked up he got. I decided I needed to get away from him, so I went after an Object myself. I went for the Holder of Doom. Everything was going fine, until I committed an error. Fucked up. Whatever you call it now. I made a big mistake. I dunno what I did, but it was bad. I won't tell you what happened to me. It'd probably drive you insane, though not as insane as I am. Suffice to say, I became the new Holder of Doom. Let me tell you, that is a tortured fucking existence. If I had known what I would become, I never would have become a Seeker. Hell, I would never have been born, if it would stop this. But I can't. I'm stuck like this. And what's worse, my Object's gone. Yeah, I guess that's the kicker, the punchline of this whole story, huh? Lemme tell you about that.

Time passes differently for Holders, so I can't tell you how long it was after I became a Holder that my friend showed up. He passed the test to get to me easily. Fuck, he looked bad. His eyes were black and glassed over. He didn't seem to need them. His teeth were sharp and too long for his mouth, so that they'd puncture his lips whenever he moved his jaw. He moved like that other Seeker, moved like nothing anyone can imagine should move. I think... ­I think he was more Object than Seeker at that point. Anyway, when he got to me I shouted to him something to the effect of, "You look bad, man! Here, get me out of here, we'll get you back to normal."

He started laughing. It was the most demonic, most evil thing I've ever heard. I screamed in pain when he laughed. I'm a Holder. I've endured more pain than anyone or anything can possibly imagine. I screamed. And as the laugh crescendoed, he pulled out the White King's Sword and plunged it into what was left of my ribcage. The pain of that, combined with his laughter, was driving me insane all over again. Then, instead of taking the Object out of my hand, he grabbed my wrist. And tore my fucking arm off. He laughed the whole time. Holders can't pass out from agony, can't die, so he just left me there and took the Object, Object 2500. Took it with my arm still grasping it, and left.

I haven't seen him since. I've heard rumors, though, lots of things. They say he's become a Holder now. Serves that fucking bastard right. I hope he suffers like I do, suffers more for what he's become. If you happen to meet him, make him pay. Put him through as much agony as you can, and then a little more. And before you end whatever passes as a life for him, tell him the Holder of Doom sends his regards. I don't know how to find him or how to get to him, but think I can give you a lead.

I hear they call him Legion now.