Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27024716-20140917212633/@comment-1196539-20140919200028

I question the premise. I'll come right out and say that I couldn't not compare this to the most famous lullaby pasta, Hypno's Lullaby--in that case, the poem/lullaby had a distinct purpose. The story was itself told in the poem, and it was inherently tied to Hypno because of his in-game Pokedex entry which references his "spiriting away" of young children.

By contrast, Herobrine has nothing to do with lullabies, or with kidnapping people. In fact it's quite the opposite. Like Slenderman, Herobrine is generally known for being a silent antagonist. His lack of speech is one of the aspects that are a part of his "creepy" character. So the very concept of a "Herobrine's lullaby" is going entirely against character, which can be done, but it's setting a very high standard and needs to be executed extremely well to be pulled off.

The question is also begged, how did the girl know the lullaby? Did Herobrine sing it to her as an example or something? Questions like that make the situation more kooky than creepy, as it just makes me try to imagine such a ridiculous scene as the two of them practicing together.

The whole "capture girls and kill them if they can't sing well" is a decent psychopath motive and does have potential (in fact it kind of reminds me of Phantom of the Opera), it just doesn't have anything to do with Minecraft. I would scrap that aspect of the pasta entirely and put it in a whole new setting, if I were you. That's my opinion, at least.