Kid vs Kat - The Ol' Switcheroo

As you can probably guess, Kid vs. Kat is a Canadian animated television series developed and produced at Studio B Productions, in association with YTV and Jetix Europe for its first season and Disney XD Europe for its second season. As for myself, my name is Dennis Crawford, and I'm one of the writers of this incredibly bad show. Yes, I said bad. Why? Because I remember watching all the episodes we done, and I regret making every single one. I mean, what a miserable piece of animation. There’s no moral or lesson, it’s not fun, the images are probably too stupid for most kids, it’s not visually pleasing, it’s not that creative, there’s a ton of unexplained story issues, and it’s surprisingly mean-spirited! The kids just seem cruel, the father just seems cruel, the aliens just seem cruel…I don’t mind cruelty in a show if it’s amounting to something, but this literally amounts to nothing! It’s just shit. It's just garbage. And I'm glad this horrible, god-awful dumpster of a show is gone forever.

But, that's not the only reason why I'm glad that this show got burned to the ground, nooooo... It's the full-on fact that I get to write script-after-script for a character that I fucking despise with all of my heart. And that is... Kat. Oh my god, Kat.... Where do I begin with this fucking cancer of a character?! The character is about as entertaining as watching someone getting their teeth yanked out with a pair of tweezers, and he became an unlikable character from the very beginning! And it all started with episode one, too! I mean, there's a big difference I could certainly say between Kat and Zim, a similar character from a show titled, Invader Zim.

Zim was a very loved character and for all the right reasons. Zim was a bit of a loud-mouth blowhard like Kat was, but he was a blowhard in a way that was a lot enjoyable, even though he had negative or bad intentions or anything like such. He was just a very well made and a very good character. But unfortunately, Rob Boutilier decided to rip him off with Kat, in all do sincerity, everybody was fucking pissed over the fact that Kid vs Kat was now a complete rip-off of Invader Zim; a show that everybody loved and adored for what felt like eons.

Now, let's compare Zim, to snot-nosed motherfucking Kat.

Kat, in of his own self, is nothing like Zim. Kat is an ignorant, disgusting, (I hate saying this word but it's true) a misogynistic, piece of fucking shit. A spit in the face of many villains with the same personalities, including Zim and Plankton from SpongeBob SquarePants (another great show). A stereotype, and a full, out, sociopath. Do I need to continue on more? I mean, he literally has all those traits. But I think the worst part about him is the fact that he's extremely annoying. He is literally, fucking, annoying. His tantrums, are fucking annoying, the pleasure he gets when tormenting Coop is completely and utterly messed up, and then the way he gets people to join in on the torture are... what the fuck honestly?!

I think I remember an episode where Coop's pranking on April Fool’s Day has the entire town disbelieving every word he says. And Kat decides to quote: "Get back at Coop" for the littlest of things. I mean c'mon, you have Plankton who's an evil genius who's planning on over-throwing Mr. Krabs and conquer all of Bikini Bottom. You have Mr. Burns from The Simpsons who's the manager of Springfield's Power Plant who does heinous things to people (including animals). And you have Professor Ratigan from Disney's The Great Mouse Detective who's a psychopath bent on controlling all of Mousedom. But, with all these villains, Kat is nothing else more, than a bully.

That's all I can describe Kat at this point. Just a big, obnoxious bully who gets the cheerleaders. He doesn't do anything villainous, he doesn't do anything remotely unlawful or chaotic (okay maybe once, but still), he just picks on the weak and the defenseless, over-and-over-and-over again, gleefully driving said person to suicide. Unlike Zim, who literally does villainous shit, while Kat is just beating up kids like it's nobody's business! Now let's compare that to Millie; another character I despised.

Millie loves Kat; even though everyone else finds him weird-looking, she is willing to break off a friendship because a quote-on-quote, 'friend', did not think Kat was cute. Although she is a troublesome little sister to Coop, she wants him and Kat to be friends, and likes to see them get along. She even believes they secretly care about each other (either in a friendly way, or a gay kind of way- Oh, god why did I say that?). In the episode "Turn the Other Cheeks", when she witnessed Coop hugging and holding Kat, she said, "Aw! I knew you two really loved each other! Say cheese!" and took a picture.

Millie's most noticeable feature, is when she doesn't get her way with certain things, she lets out a loud shriek, which can be heard all over Bootsville. Her father does everything she says, if only to get her to stop screaming. Which has earned her the title of "master manipulator". Millie often frames Coop when she does something that would get her in trouble, most likely due to the close relationship she has with Kat. She would rather her brother get in trouble than her pet. She also does not like when Coop is happy and doesn't care, or even enjoys it when he is in a tough situation.

She literally has the same traits as Kat, and it seems that everyone around Coop has those traits! Now don't get me wrong, Millie is a complete and utter brat all the time, she's a brat at some times, if you watch the episode "Mind Games", Millie is upset when ignored by Coop, so Burt takes his son's game until they hang out together. But, the reason I'm letting this character off the hook is because she's obviously a kid, she's really young. But she's a brat for all the good reasons and all the reasons, compared to her hellhound of a pet who's a brat for the sake of the fact that he's a brat. And it clearly shows that he's older than her too!

I mean, it's not excusable! It really isn't! Rob even claimed that his favorite character was Coop, but according to the episodes in question, that really wasn't the case. So, with that said, all of this was the reason for the thing that I did. And that was to make an episode that will finally put this abomination in it's place, and might give some inspiration to Rob to make something as good as Invader Zim, and not make anymore of those garbage episodes featuring that cancerous, pessimistic, nonsensical bastard. Now, I've been working at Studio B Productions ever since I got my degree in animation, and with me writing episode-after-episode of Kid vs Kat, I kind of see why it wasn't getting any praise from fans. It's shit. After months and days of angst and irritation, I finally got the chance to teach that asshole a lesson. After months of hard work, it was finally finished. All thanks to A.V.I. files, my experiences in animation, and all the cast and crew members that had been in the show ever since.

On the day of June 4, 2011, I snuck inside the viewing room and replaced the brand new episode Rob made with my homemade one, then waited for the staff to sit down and view the episode. After what felt like hours, nothing really happened. I just waited there, impatiently. I even checked the time on my watch. I paced around the area. I even sat down in the breakroom and waited for them. All I wanted was to see the look on their face when they see what an disgrace Rob's show was to me, and this was the thanks I get. I made a horrific episode, practically, for nothing.

But, tomorrow came by and we were called into the viewing room approximately three-thirteen P.M. by Rob through his text messages on our phones. And as we entered, we can clearly see that he, was, pissed. He had that look in his eyes that literally screams fury in a voice that reaches a fucking pinacol. He looked like he wanted to strangle the person who did him wrong. But he somehow kept it all inside by drinking a bottle of water. He looked at us, and said in that calm voice he always had, "I guess you already received the text I sent you. If you did, good, you're safe. At least for now."

I looked at the staff, and they already knew where this was going, all except me. Rob gestured for us to sit down at the chairs in front of the T.V., and we did so without a single word. I guess we didn't want to upset Rob even more so than he is now. I looked over at Rob, who shut the door and locked it. Then he walked towards the television and looked at us still with that grim look on his face.

"There had been an incident yesterday regarding an episode that was already prepared for yesterday's airing. That specific episode was supposed to be 'The Kat Went Back', but some joker thought it was a good idea and replace the episode with a homemade one he or she made on a Beta disc, which I still have in my possession." Rob grabbed a disc that was inside it's case, and presented it to us. This was the disc that I burned my homemade episode into. I was quite surprised that Rob still kept the episode. He opened the case, and pulled out the disc, turned on the T.V. And opened the DVD player. "Now, I'm gonna play this episode for you all to see, cause one of you, in this very room, made this. But, we won't play the episode if you want. But only if you confess to me that you made this, or the rookie beside you did. I don't care if you're black or white, hell, I don't care if today's your birthday, you will confess! But for now, let's just watch this, and hopefully this will make you ponder about what you've done."

Now I'm starting to see that Rob, indeed, had watched the episode yesterday, and didn't like what he saw. Guess I finally got a reaction out of him after all. He popped the DVD in the player, and the episode played. It started with the intro, we all saw that it was fine and normal with the theme song playing and the random chaos that followed suit. That is, until it came to the title card. The title card showed Coop with his back towards the viewer. By the look of his body language, he seemed very livid as it looked like he was cornering a frightened Kat with tears in his eyes. The title read in big, orange letters: "The Ol' Switcheroo". This was the only thing I could think of, I mean, there's titles like: Fumblebee, Nip/Duck, Pasta Disasta, and even Rat-a-Phooey. So with a title like this, it really isn't out of the ordinary. The music for the title card was surprisingly similar to the music for the episode, Dire Education, even Rob can tell that it was orchestrated for that episode. Then the big orange letters faded to the beginning credits like in every episode, but it showed that both the storyboard and the episode was all written by me. Rob then looked at me with a look that says gotcha now, punk. But I didn't give a damn, I wanted him to figure out that it was me, I wanted to see that look on his face, I wanted him to know that this ends here and now.

The episode opens with Coop and the gang fighting Kat on the roof of the Burtonburger home, where a giant laser was mounted. The battle went on for about a good minute or so until Coop and Dennis finally destroyed the laser, and Kat's plans were foiled. Burt and Millie come in with Burt asking, "What's going on here?!" in a frantic and worried look.

"Dad, dad!" Coop said as he ran up to Burt.

"Let me guess, Kat made something on the roof, hasn't he?" Burt asked flatly.

"Wait, how did you know that?"

"Well, let's just say that I've now gotten use to you saying that 'Kat did this, Kat did that'. Honestly it's becoming an everyday routine for me."

Coop looked rather forlorn at the very thought of what's gonna happen next, "I guess I'm grounded am I?"

"No."

"Huh?!" Coop and Dennis looked at each other with a bit of confusion and shock. This was relatively new for Burt to just not ground Coop for something he didn't do.

"Well, at least, not quite. Of course you shouldn't be playing on the roof cause you might get hurt, but never the less, I've got some chores for you two to do around the home while I'm at work tomorrow."

"Well, um... What do you want us to do?" Dennis asked.

"For starters, I would like for you two to wash the dishes, dust the house, and also, keep an eye on Kat while Millie's at school."

"Woah, woah, woah!" Coop interrupted, "You mean to tell me that I have to babysit that purple rat for a whole day? I rather die!"

Kat overheard Coop's little outburst and a lightbulb is shown above Kat's head. Burt looks at Coop and says, "Okay, well I guess you won't be needing these tickets to go see Captain Blastroid Vs. The Black Gho-"

"You got the tickets to Captain Blastroid Vs. The Black Ghost in 3D?!" Dennis and Coop both gasped in unison.

"Yep. And you'll get this when your chores are done. Dennis will help you so you won't do this by yourself. Do we have a deal?"

"D-D-D-Deal!" Coop stammered in excitement at the very thought of going to see his hero battle a gothic vigilante known as the Black Ghost. He was kind of a mix between Rorschach and The Crow, he has a black fedora and a black trench coat to match, even his face was black as ash. Everything about him was black as pitch, except for his blank, white eyes.

Later on in the episode, it cuts to morning as Dennis and Coop had a sleep over and began doing their chores. Kat, on the other hand, notices this and begins to make a mess in the living room. Coop and Dennis cleans up the mess, but Kat makes a mess in the kitchen as well. They clean it there, but this routine went on and on till Coop gets more and more frustrated with the situation at hand. "*Groans in frustration* This is stupid! I can't deal with Kat in one whole day! I'll be driven into madness if this keeps up!"

"Coop, remember the tickets!" Dennis says.

"*Sighs* You're right, let's just focus on the tickets."

Dennis and Coop cleaned up the mess and went on to dust the house, but Kat blows his nose into some tissue paper, ball it up, and threw it onto the ground near Coop's feet. Coop could only watch as Kat bounded away in cackles of laughter, and Coop began to grumble in anger under his breath. I could even hear him say, "No good, fleshy, freak beast...! Rrrr for the love of...!" That was the same line in Class Act where Coop goes upstairs to his room in a huff. Dennis cleaned up the bathroom as Coop cleaned the basement, but Kat still had some tricks up his sleeve as he is seen tracking mud all over the kitchen floor. Coop walks in and sees the muddy tracks. "You got to be kidding!" Coop said, facepalming in irritation. "Can this day get any worse?"

Now, I've forgotten the rest of what went on in the story, but all I can say is that it involves around Coop and Dennis trying to clean up the house while Kat makes it dirty. But, things get even more strange, is that when Millie got back from school, she seems to notice that Coop and Dennis was still cleaning. "Um, guys?" she asks.

"Yeah?" Coop replies.

"You missed a spot." She's pointing at a paw print on the kitchen floor. Coop had forgotten to clean that up as well.

"*Sighs* Let me get right on that." Dennis replies as he goes over to the kitchen area with a sponge and a bucket filled with soap and water.

Coop was then left alone with nothing to do than to dust around the house like a maid. "Stupid Kat, I hate him so much..." Coop grumbled to himself. "If only he'd leave me alone..."

Throughout the majority of the episode, Kat would make something dirty while Millie forces him to clean it up, making Coop even more frustrated and angry than before. Finally around the middle of the episode, Rob paused the DVD player and looked at us. "If you confess now Dennis, we won't have to show you the rest of the episode if you'll be honest with us. So, you wanna fess up?"

I just shrugged and said, "Yeah. I did. And it felt good. I thought it would be nice to see you get your just desserts. Now can I see the rest of this episode, please? I want to know how it ends."

Rob nodded and said, "If you say so." Then began to hit the play button.

It then shows Coop in the kitchen area cleaning up Kat's mess for the last time till Kat began to make a mess once more. Coop finally had enough, and the two began to fight as usual. Burt's car can be seen pulling up in the driveway, and the door opens to see Burt look that says what the fuck did I just walk into. Burt does his trademark yell (you know when he screams Coop's name), and everything went quiet. Burt walks into frame, looking very upset and scolds Coop for his actions. Coop tries to confess that it was Kat, but Burt doesn't believe him as usual. He then grounds him and takes away the tickets, leaving Kat to smirk at him boisterously.

Now, what happens next... Really, blew us away. All except me, of course, being the one who made the episode.

Coop stares at Kat for a moment, then begins to shake. Not regular shaking when you're cold, but, out of pure, unadulterated fury. Coop's face immediately turns red as a tomato, and he begins to growl. Kat sees this, and his confident smirk was now replaced with a look of uneasiness as he backs away slowly. Coop can also be seen grounded and gnashed his teeth as he foamed at the mouth. Burt sees this and grows worried. "Um, Coop? What's the matter? All I said was-"

"It wasn't my fault..." Coop snarled quietly.

"I-I'm sorry, what was that?"

"IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!" Coop screamed, a raging wind spewed from his mouth in a comedic manner.

Coop, still red in the face, began to pick up the chairs from the kitchen table and violently throw them across the kitchen. Burt was now trying to calm Coop down as Coop ripped, yes ripped, the chandelier from it's hinges and tossed it through the glass of the slide door with a thunderous crash! Coop then reached for a rolling pin and begin to swing it around like a madman; smashing numerous kitchen appliances like pots and pans, hell he even trashed numerous items like the toaster, the coffee machine, and even the blender!

"Coop you put that rolling pin down right now!" Burt yelled.

Coop didn't listen though, he just kept smashing, and smashing, and smashing away till the kitchen was reduced into rubble. Millie ran in to see what was going on, and saw what was happening.

"Daddy, what's going on?! Why is the kitchen a huge mess?!"

Suddenly, before she could react, a frying pan flew her way. Burt leaps in front of her in a dramatic slow motion style, and the pan hits him in the face. Knocking him out cold.

The redness in Coop's face faded as he suddenly came back to reality, and saw what had happened. "DAD!" Coop yelped, as he rushed over to his dad, who's knocked unconscious.

Now, I can't remember the rest of the episode, but all I could remember is that Burt was taken to the hospital, and the two kids were left all by themselves. Suddenly Dennis comes out of the bathroom upstairs and asks, "What did I miss?"

This kind of got a laugh out of me, seeing that Dennis was in the bathroom during Coop's rampage. Coop was met with Kat one more time, and Coop glares at him viciously. "What have you done...?" He asked quietly, but still in a growling voice.

Kat, seeing this, began to run off down the street, only with Coop gaining chase. Coop does his trademark yell (similar to Burt but with Kat's name being screamed out), and things go from one-to-a hundred in a matter of minutes. Kat takes a breather in the school playground, and Coop tackles him from behind, and lifts him up by the scruff of his chest as he was met eye-to-eye with a maniacal Coop.

"You stolen EVERYTHING from me! I can't have a decent life anymore, my life is gone! WHY?! WHY KAT, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME-"

Suddenly, before Coop could finish his rant, the episode was paused for the last time. Rob ejected the disc, placed it back in it's case, and slapped it on top of the T.V. He looked at the both of us, and said, "I think we've seen more than enough of the episode. Guess I'm gonna have to end this thing right here and right now, in my own words. After this little argument, it went into some really graphic fighting. Scared a lot of kids. And it all ended with Coop, oh I don't know, bashing Kat's skull in with a rock! And you know another thing, and I want to say this to Dennis here, my kids were in this very room when that episode aired! Did you know that, did you have the slightest clue about me being a father?! Guess not, cause you were to busy traumatizing kids into states of paranoia! Now because of this, you're fired!"

Well, that went well. Now with me being fired, I can finally be away from that hellhole. Now, to end this story on a high note, I'm safe to say that I finally put this shit shack in it's place, and buried this thing where no one can resurrect it. Of course there's going to be some fan made pictures of that cancerous dickhead, but I don't care, I finally made everyone see how human Coop is, and that he has feelings too like everybody else. I think we're safe to say that Kat got what he deserved, and won't be coming back any time soon.

Guys, if you're with me a hundred percent. Just like how Coop couldn't stand Kat's crap anymore. It's time people... It's time... It's time, to get rid of Kat.