Conker's Crazy Fur Day

Today I ordered some Nintendo 64 carts, one of them was Conker's Bad Fur Day, since I played it when I was 19. I thought it would bring back some memories, I ordered it. Next day it came and it has Super Mario 64, Banjo-Kazooie, and a paper-labeled one named "Conker Crazy Day" with no rating, I f%$#ing obviously thought it was a prank from the seller. I booted it up and then I knew this was really a crazy day.

It started with the normal text after the Nintendo logo, but the logo never showed up, the "FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY" was above the Dolby Surround logo with the Conker's Bad Fur Day logo saying "Conker's Crazy Fur Day" also the Rare logo was spinning on the top-left corner of the screen, It started with The N64 logo with Conker sawing through the logo in a rather different way than the original game. He yelled, "GO TO HELL YOU DISGRACE!" I was shocked that they said that about Nintendo, was this proof that Rare WANTED to be sold to Microsoft? Conker than said "Is this what you wanted?" and pulling the Rare logo out of his non-existing pocket as usual, But the mumbling Conker said was louder as if he was saying "GODDAMN IT", This was not the Rated M game I played, this was some weird Rated A game. Conker proceeded to smudge the Rare logo and it actually turned normal with Conker winking with a circle closing out at his eye.

Conker than walked to The Cock and Plucker for the main menu, but all the SHC Squirrels were less than the original, some replaced by Tediz, some were just plain gone. I went to Game 1 and started a new game, The Rumble Pak I had was rumbling hard on my controller I dropped the controller out of fear. After picking my controller up, I realized I skipped the "Conker the King" cutscene which was impossible in the original. after all, I had no Gameshark and I couldn't skip cutscenes with the L button until Conker says so.

It went to Conker holding his head while moaning like usual. Conker then got up instead of saying "It is gonna be one of those days." like in the original. I walked to Birdy and after he taught me the "Context Sensitive" and the Ting thing Conker said, "You are not helping me you bastard!" and cracked the floating lightbulb on Birdy's head with a bunch of the cartoony blood in the game, and Birdy said "F$@# off you t$&%", but Conker beat the crap out of Birdy in a real way that made me look away. Conker then took off his gloves and ripped Birdy in half with his bare hands!

He then called Berri saying, "Hey wanna hang out?" with Berri snapping at him and saying they will break up, Conker then sobbed like in Conker's Pocket Tales where Berri and his cake got stolen. The thing that was off was that it sounded like real crying, like Chris Seavor was crying while saying a line with the Conker Voice. Conker than stopped and wanted to KILL Berri, I got control and did the things I needed to do until I got to Gargoyle, he was smoking weed and said, "Hey, kid. Want some? Hey! Wait." with Conker replying, "Um, no I need to get past, please?" The thing that was off is that Gargoyle sounded like the Abusive Cog from the Catfish level. "You have to buy some candy first." "Um, I have no money" "Well that stinks, you can't get past until you buy the candy." Conker than hit Gargoyle with the frying pan and then the stone grey monster started bleeding out gush and muck, it looked like it was textured off melted green slime with ugly brown dots in it.

I then went to the Windy chapter without the rocks blocking the entrance. The Panther king cutscene than started with the king growling very violently as if he spilled his milk, but it was because he did not get an order done by the weasels. He then chopped off every one of their heads off with a very large-bladed knife that was now bloodier than the portion of blood that normally comes out of any character with the cutscene ending with the king laughing. Conker does not see the chocolate and I just played. I walked over to Mrs. Bee with her tears more colored than the original, but they were coming down her face rather than her eyes in a cartoon fashion. Conker than said, "What is wrong with you?!" in a rude way she than sobs more and more were the point where she can't even speak anymore and than she passed out and falling slowly while her wings stopped moving. Conker turned to the screen and shrugged as I go to the Wasp's Area, and the hive was not there. I went to the dung beetles, The Low pitched one sound more gruesome, "Want me to come down there and kill that motherf$@#er and eat his sh&%?" it was if he had extreme hatred on Conker, as if he saw him before.

Birdy didn't show obviously because I killed him, but Conker did the Catapult as if he already learned it, I shot at the beetles, and they died with one it instead of two, and the blood was like the Gargoyle blood I said about above. I went to Poo Cabin but the beetle kicked me out as if he saw me kill the others. Conker than took damage with a blood packet you see in hospitals and it shorted a little bit, Conker said, "Hey! what was that for?" I went to the Barn Boys where I saw the mouse and the "Fat B%tch" Jack was talking about. But Jack sounded as if he was struggling to live. Conker than slammed the frying pan to the woman and she fell behind Jack and said the usual "Thanks, but get the critter behind ya, outta my sight I say!" After bringing the 3 pieces of cheese the mouse had to eat until he explodes. The mouse exploded very nasty looking blood and his head extracted his brain and some f the blood landed on Conker with him getting kind of mad while drying it with his hands.

Jack then gave Conker a boost to the money on the roof and the money then said something that was weird, "Take me and shove it up yours!" Conker's money eyes did not show but Conker rejected the money. "I will save you for others, cause it's nice!" and went away back on Jack. The money said, "F&$# you!" without it bleeped!

I turned off the console and smashed the cart with a hammer and a metal baseball bat. My warning is I hope you do not order a set of N64 games that have Mario 64, Banjo, and a strange version of Conker! Peace out.