Executive Interview

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The Story
The following is a transcript of an interview that was recorded on January 7th 2016. It has been recently edited to cut out any personal information for release with a few exceptions.

The interviewee is a retired Nickelodeon executive he wishes to be anonymous so he is hereby referred as “Executive” in this interview. He agreed to publicly release this transcript so long as the edits where made.

(Begins tape)

Interviewer: We are recording now. So you’re a former executive at Nickelodeon?

Executive: That is correct.

Interviewer: How long have you been working in that field until you decided to retire?

Executive: Uh about ten years now I think, before that I was working in two positions. Mainly As Producer for Spongebob and Manager for the staff since my employment in 2000. I’m a family man uh I have a son is going to be 16 years of age this year now. My wife and I are now preparing for his birthday.

Interviewer: How nice, did you ever tell him that you where an executive at Nickelodeon?

Executive: Yeah! I did but he didn’t believe me at first until I showed the proof and you wouldn’t believe the look on his face.

Interviewer: (Laughs) Ok… back on track. So when you where promoted as an executive?

Executive: 2004 just when the Spongebob Movie was released. My boss came into my office and said I was going to be promoted as an executive since I had a Bachelor’s Degree and some experience in Supervisory then jackpot! I got the promotion and another career map lay out in front of me. When I got home, I told my wife and she was excited to hear that been promoted to an executive level since executives are well paid and why so? Were going to be rich!

Interviewer: What’s your opinion on the current status of Spongebob and Nickelodeon?

Executive: Well, it’s clear that Spongebob and Nickelodeon have fallen from grace in the past years. Nickelodeon just keeps rushing out mediocre shows with horrible ratings and on the other hand. Has just been complete trash with horrible jokes and episodes such as the infamous “One Coarse Meal” or as originally titled “Plankton Got Served” now Spongebob has touched on Suicide before but not as disgusting and mean spirited as this one, it was so terrible my kid hates it and even the entire staff despise its very existence but what about the other executives? Simply they don’t care; they just want to get their money as soon as possible and that means giving a pass on every horrible show and episode, occasionally a few good ones do get aired but there’s rarely a good episode on Nickelodeon. I guess I’m only guy that cares about quality but since Stephen Hillenburg’s returning to Spongebob so I bet Nickelodeon is going to get better and return to what it use to be.

Interviewer: Now you had sparked further my interest in you ‘cause of that phone ca-

Executive: What about it?

Interviewer: Well… because you mentioned that there was an “incident” on Nickelodeon’s channel over the phone.

Executive: Oh yes, that was a few years ago now let me be clear this is something I don’t wanna remember and no it isn’t a “Lost Episode” that you see on the internet. They don’t exist but we did do a similar thing with “The Sponge who can fly” but it wasn’t locked away in a vault never to be seen again and we only used the “Lost Episode” word as a promotional tactic and nothing was strange about it.

No, this is a completely different thing and no one’s heard of it.

Interviewer: Can you describe this particular incident?

Executive: I’ve never told anyone this but here it goes basically it was a signal intrusion but nothing of an intrusion I seen before kinda like the Max Headroom Incident except longer. I was sick with the flu and so I stayed home I heard that a new Spongebob episode was getting aired that day so I told my son and he reluctantly joins me, he was thinking it was just another poorly written episode to face palm knowing how bad the show has gotten. We sat on sofa, staring at the television, watching other shows and advertisements.

At 12:17 the episode finally was about to air but before the Spongebob intro was going to come on, there was some flicking static on an advert I can’t remember nor I do care about it as I’m going to describe the following events. I can still remember my son saying “What’s wrong with the TV, Dad?” until the screen was fully engulfed by static. I immediately call my boss to see what was going on. He told me that someone was jamming Nickelodeon signals and that he will call me back to keep me updated on notable developments. He hung up and resumed watching the television, the static vanished and there was title card named “Insanity” but it instantly changed to “Heart and Mind” then kept changing to a number of titles in fractions of seconds.

Interviewer: How long was this?

Executive: It just lasted for a minute, and then the opening showed. It was corrupted text but I’m pretty sure that it was just one person who made this fan-made episode.

Interviewer: So it was unofficial?

Executive: Of course it was! The creators never created this obviously.

Executive: Once the opening credits where gone the episode started with an opening shot of the Krusty Krab from bird’s eye perspective late at night then it jump cut to the entrance of the Krusty Krab, the camera zoomed in to the doors and went past them. Spongebob was at the cashier looking toward the screen, Squidward was nowhere to be found. A look on Spongebob’s face revealed emotionally that he was terrified possibly ‘cause he’s the only employee currently at the Krusty Krab, a few minutes past and an illuminated arm was slowly coming with the left side of the screen then it quickly gripped Spongebob’s head with startling speed and Spongebob screamed. The figure then ran to the entrance with Spongebob in its hand and threw him out. It cuts to a shot of Spongebob on the ground then switched to a shot of the Illuminated Figure at the doors, it didn’t have the physique of Mr. Krabs. It didn’t have chelae or tall eyes; it didn’t look like any of the fish characters at all! It was thin and had Human features such as fingers and barely visible hair.

Interviewer: And was it doing?

Executive: Yelling at Spongebob I presume because of the head movements. I couldn’t decipher what it as saying. There was no audio in this section and the figure was too dark to see its lip movements. After this, it closed the door on Spongebob at this point he was even more terrified than before eventually he calmed down and started walking home, the camera followed Spongebob then the screen wiped to sideways shot of Spongebob walking home with the night sky as an background, the sky wasn’t like the usual Spongebob night sky with darkened-out flowers but a time lapsed sky of Earth, if you actually seen it, you could’ve recognized the stars of Mars and Venus among others. The disturbing thing about that background sky was that they where photo-realistic eyes in the sky and they weren’t there in the opening shot of this made-up episode, they where moving left to right.

During this section, my boss called me and picked up. He that Nickelodeon’s engineers trying desperately to halt the broadcast, he also said they where looking into tracing the hijacker but he said at this rate it was unlikely because the hijacker was using microwave-like signals from multiple locations therefore whoever this was had some professional help, likely to set up that help later to cover his/her tracks.

The shot of Spongebob walking home with that sky lasted 6 minutes. Then Spongebob reach his destination then jumpcut to a outside bird’s eye view of his home where he walked to the door, opened and closed it behind him. There was an eerie almost cracking noise that stopped once to went to the next scene.

The next scene was in Squidward’s house; there is a forward shot towards Squdward. He was reading a newspaper. The words in the newspaper where readable it was describing an outbreak of an unknown virus. However a phone was ringing and Squidward folded the newspaper to pick it up once he did, there was a baritone voice you know that sound effect they use in cartoons? Anyways Squidward responded with “yeah” and “ok I will be there” presumably this voice was telling him to come its location. He puts the newspaper on a table and walks out the front door but I could remember seeing an opened doorway that Squidward did not include in his house it looked something familiar….

Interviewer: How did your son react to this episode?

Executive: Nothing, he was just bland for some reason! Fuck me…. Shit!

Interviewer: Are you ok?

Executive: Yeah… just overreacted, that’s why I do not want to talk about this incident! It’s just something…. Never mind

So anyways Squidward entered his car winch was rarely seen in episodes and started it, he began driving on a dirt road I don’t know why but it’s just odd for a dirt road to instantly appear at his house. My boss texted me this time and asked to bring a video camera or something, we didn’t have a video camera only just a late 90s camera that we never used after the 2000s that we put in our closet. I rushed there and pick up the camera then rushed back to our sofa. Squidward was still driving on that dirt road then a black van was soon following him then the van passed and turned right to what appeared to be an abandoned school house. The screen soon went to black and whispers where audible and an image come up for 15 minutes I loaded my camera and took a picture before it faded away, it was an image of a man in a white shirt holding a sheet stained with an unknown substance then my boss called again and I rushed to pick it up, he told that they are going to cut the station temporary for 26 hours after tracing and halting the broadcast where attempted and continuously failed. He told me to bring the camera tomorrow and hung up.

Another image, no no video or gif…. Oh god. (Silence)

Interviewer: What happened?

Executive: It was an image gif or video I don’t fucking care! It was a gif or fucking image of my house in my bedroom! There was the theme of Spongebob faintly in the distance somewhere and some figure walked through the opened doorway…. I take my camera and took a photo…. Then blackout. The screen was black they shut down the station. The broadcast had ended. But before that text popped up and it read “Be seeing you soon”. My son and me were shocked, I turned off the TV and my son never went to bed that night out of fear what would happen to him. I had to explain this to my wife winch was less than stellar.

Executive: Fuck this I’m out. I should have never mentioned that over the phone.

Interviewer: What about the camera?

Executive: Oh yeah short answer; I have it and the photos with it.

Interviewer: Did they try confiscating the photos?

Executive: That’s a yes and no. Yes they confiscated all photos and videos of the incident but not mine, when I came to Nickelodeon studios and to my boss’s office. He told me to leave and keep the camera. I asked why and he said that he always me better than the other executives and he mentioned that Nickelodeon CEO ordered all photos and videos to be confiscated and destroyed; he said that I should keep the photos but saying that was a huge risk but he was “willing to take the chances” I left the studio but kept my job for a few years but due to security reasons I retired and I was at the right age. But the scary thing is that this whole incident was covered up quite well so well in fact that neither news articles nor anyone mentions or is aware of its existence.

Anyways can we terminate this interview?

Interviewer: Yes if you wish.

Executive: Good, I will scan the photos and sent them you via email.

Interviewer: One more question.

Executive: Yes?

Interviewer: What did your boss said before you walked out?

Executive: He said “never mention this incident and to “watch myself and the eyes”.

(Tape ends)

The executive was displeased of what the interview turned out; he is paranoid of his safety and privacy. It’s unknown what happened to him or what he’s current status is now.