Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24896872-20140503144952/@comment-5619531-20140503151450

Well. There are a lot of grammatical issues (like proper nouns not being capitalized, ect.) There's a part where I would just omit "Mii." You don't need to censor words here, we do allow cursing. The only thing that I found quite interesting was the 9th paragraph, it actually put chills down my neck (as it always does whenever I am on this site). Unplugging it the system is, sort of, a cliché. Omit that. Change up the last paragraph. It just drains out all of the energy from the article, as it makes an administrator, like me, go and delete it right off the bat. Either omit it, or change it.

Take a look over this. It's decent, towards my opinion. But it needs to be spruced up, direly. Once a second revision is made, feel free to make another thread. Feel free to look in the site rules on how to write articles, and stuff.