Squidward's Suicide: What totally happened with the children

Have you ever wanted to know what happened to those children from Squidward's Suicide? Well, I think I can give an answer to that, since I've witnessed what happened.

It all started a few years back. Skinner began murdering a few children for fun, taking photographs of them, and selling them on the black market. Eventually, There was this one child he took his time with. He made sure that he suffered. He was next to my house the time this happened. I went outside, and saw Skinner just looking at me. He had a deer-in-the-headlights look. Here's the conversation...

"Ah, chalmers! I was just... uh... just stretching my calves on the window-sill, Isometric exercise! Care to join me"

"Why is that kid dead? Why the hell is there an over next to him?

"Dead? Oh, no, he's... helping me!"

"With what?"

I look at him with an extremely suspicious look...

"With making steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers."

"You call Hamburgers steamed hams..."

"Yes, it's a... regional dialect."

"What region?"|

"Uh, upstate new-york?"

"Really? Well, i'm from Utica and i've never heard anyone use the phrase "Steamed Hams."

"Oh, not in Utica, no! It's an Albany expression."

"I see.."

I foolishly walk away, realizing I had just made a huge mistake...

I NEVER GOT TO TRY THE STEAMED HAMS HE WAS MAKING.

I immediately turned around..

"GOOD LORD, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE!?"

I notice skinner dragging the body into my house, burning it.

"Aurora Borealis."

"Uh- AURORA BOREALIS!"

'AT THIS TIME OF YEAR, AT THIS TIME OF DAY, IN THE PART OF THE COUNTRY, LOCALIZED ENTIRELY WITHIN MY LIVING ROOM!?"

"Yes!"

"May I see it?"

He looks around for a bit..

"No."

I got my steamed hams, and went home... You might be wondering what my name is...

It's Chalmers.

"This story was made to be as cancerous as possible. Please, if you have any brain-cells left, please leave this page..."